some ‘guide to being upset’ i saw on another webpage

Few moments ago I read something quite amusing ahahahah!

Ever had that itch to post something on social media but decided not to because people will prod and pester you? Ever had the itch to post some really emo (but really cool) thoughts but decided not to because you worry that others will worry (lol) incessantly? I know there are some of you out there, oh yes I do. You may think that ‘no one truly understands me’ or that ‘no one would really care about me’ but I am here to tell you otherwise – I’m just like that too.

Fear not! Here’s a guide to writing emo stuff on social media and not look too suspicious:

So.. To do so you will need first and foremost, the content. To be honest, it’s really up to you what you wanna write (hey, it is your life after all, so… wadevs you like, right?), the only requirement is that it sounds really emo, and it would be even better if it rhymes and makes you sound like a very vulnerable and layered soul. For this example let’s just use err.. this:

Put me in my place,
So I can snap out of this daze.
Cut me down to size,
So I can stop feeding me lies.

… Seems legit don’t it?

And then you just dress it up real nice to deflect attention. There are a few ways to do this, but today I’ll just talk about probably the most common way to do this – make it sound like it’s not really you who is expressing that view. Give them the illusion that what you post is merely a quote, or a repost of something you found interesting or worth pondering about – AND NOT WHAT YOU ARE PERSONALLY THINKING. THIS INGREDIENT IS ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL to protect yourself from the annoying prods that you don’t wanna get.

But hey, you secretly do kinda want it don’t you? See, I understand you so well!

NEVERTHELESS, maintain the facadeeeee! You can’t let them knowwww! Don’t let them in… don’t let them see… Be the good gir- Okay sorry I digressed.

DON’T let it go. Whenever they ask you, ‘hey hon, saw your post on fb last night, what’s the matter, is everything alright?’ Remember:

‘It’s from a website!’

‘It’s from a book!’

‘It’s from a song!’

‘It’s not from me.’

‘What website?’ – Sorry I forgot.

‘What book!?’ – A really obscure one that you probably haven’t heard of.

‘What song!?’ – Oh it’s just some lyrics my friend wrote.

The possibilities are endless. You can even frame them up to be something else entirely, it’s up to your imagination! Maybe a guide? Or even a repost of a guide which for some reason you forgot to cite? It’s up to you!

Alright good luck and sayonara!

That was totally not by me.

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ah beng tries to be poetic and pick up a girl

‘Ah Beng’: (pronounced: ‘ah bayng’) a term usually used to describe males of chinese descent who lacks cultural refinement and speaks poor English.

Your face make me want say Hi.
My name is Lai, it rhymes with fly.

To his dismay, the girl, with her sharp wits, retorts:
‘You know what else rhymes with fly? Bye.’

Not to be disheartened, Lai proceeds to ‘repick’:

Please no say bye,
My heart will die,
Blood will run dry,
Love was made for U N I.

Impressed, the girl allows Lai to sit beside her and they strike up a conversation.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
Doesn’t matter how Beng you are as long as you have a big heart. OHOHOHO.

plugged in

Rise and shine.

It’s 6AM and my alarm clock rings.

Every sinew in my body cries out, ‘mou ichidou.

‘Just one more time. Snooze it. Hit the button. Why hesitate? It’s still way early. You can wake up a little later. It’s a Goddamn Saturday for Christ’s sake.’ Oh… that was rather inappropriate for Easter weekend.

But I shouted, ‘DAME DAYO!’ I can’t do that!

For reasons unknown, my sinews cried out in Japanese. Ah, they must have been subliminally influenced; I’ve been watching too much anime recently. Snap out of it, time to get up.

Haikk!

I jumped out of bed.

Image

This is from the anime ‘No Game No Life’.

GOMENASAI FOR ALL MY PROCASTINATING!’

***

Yesterday I said, ‘tomorrow’.

Today is the day.

Enough procrastinating, today I will be productive. I will be completely focused. Let’s get the trivial bits out of the way so I can get to work, and concentrate.

Washed my face.

Brushed my teeth.

Had breakfast.

Read my daily news.

I’m ready.

Alright, time to get plugged in.’

I open up my iTunes, loaded up my favourite playlist for work (hurdur, work-playlist), and hit the play button.

The first tune kicks in and I can feel it already – a great day of productivity lies ahead. I can do this uninterrupted for a few hours. The adrenaline begins to flow through my veins, coursing to each and every inch of my body… except the few magnificent inches which would feel rather weird for this sort of occasion. I close my eyes, and I see it before me – 8000 words completed way before the due date. Not a dream, but a reality. Yes, I can do it. It’s not that intimidating after all. All you need to do is get plugged in. Complete, uninterrupted focus.

When you have that, ‘impossible’ is but a word, and ‘impossibility’, another word.

…. As long as you love me,

Backstreet Boys plays in the background. I feel even more pumped now. I can do this. I open my eyes and start up Microsoft Word, eager to begin. I place my hands on the keyboard. Took in a long, deep breath and set my eyes on the screen, so fixated that no force of nature will peel me away from it until I have some work to show for my labour. I feel ready. No. I AM ready.

Finally, shit will be done,’ I thought to myself.

And then it hit me.

…. I need to go to the toilet.