haiku 1

Art by Marshu

Art by Marshu @ deviantart

our backs on moist grass

as clouds scattered that quiet night-

the cosmos smiled back.

I’ve never written a haiku before so I’d appreciate any feedback.

I have read a few articles on writing one and so far I gathered the following characteristics:

i) Juxtaposition of two ideas;

ii) Separated by a cutting word (kireji);

iii) If possible, include a seasonal word (kigo);

iv) Use sensory language – show what you saw, instead of telling what you feel;

v) Capable of being expressed in one breath.

vi) Typically in a 5-7-5 syllable format.

And… I’ve tried to incorporate them as best as I could. Still feels lacking though. 😦

p/s: for those who are curious, the art is based on an anime called Bakemonogatari, one of my favourites! Those who appreciate witty dialogue and smart wordplay will appreciate it! 🙂

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2 thoughts on “haiku 1

  1. You did good work with this one! I used to be a rigid 5-7-5 type, but now I experiment with different line lengths and number of syllables. For me, it feels a bit more free and natural that way. 🙂

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